Pre-holiday musings

Money. Specifically, saving it, spending it, gifting it, quoting it.

I'm not a big gifter or gift receiver. I very much dislike the expectation set around the holidays to spend a lot so that you can buy lots of gifts for lots of people. Really, I don't need to add more things to my maximalist place, and I'd rather you show up throughout the year than just at the end.

Despite all this, I do still end up saving to buy things, mostly for myself or my business (Zoey also gets something). More photos mean more high-capacity external hard drives, which are at their cheapest right now. Software subscriptions I've been eyeing are also heavily discounted.

By nature, holiday gifts are transactional. And it's taken me a long time to unlearn the societal/capitalist expectation that gifts = love and holidays = gifts. So when you gift something, you probably expect a gift back—and if expectations weren't set beforehand, your lack of gift-giving feels like a giant, anxious failure of being a good person. I'm medicated now, so that helps a lot. Also, that unwritten rule of gifting to people like postal workers and teachers. It was a big surprise during my first academic year when my mom learned that teacher gifts were a thing—another rule in US culture to absorb and assimilate into.

I have also been thinking about the very unsexy topic of health insurance, which I purchase on the California marketplace because I'm self-employed. My premium is going up, and so are my deductibles and the copays on meds and doctor visits. Zoey's pet insurance has increased by 50% twice this year. My health insurance is by far the biggest business expense I have; it's double the next-highest, my financial planner. I also receive federal tax credits, which might expire at the end of this year, depending on how the Congress vote goes.

When people talk about why they're hesitant to become a freelancer in the US, one of the top reasons listed is health insurance. Your employer gets a group deal and pays for part or all of your premium. As a freelancer, you pay for ALL of it: health insurance, social security tax, Medicare tax, any retirement funds. So for those people who hawk those "How to become a successful freelancer in these six easy steps!" programs, the topic of health insurance is just another bullet point and not a giant warning sign. In California, you can register your long-term relationship as a domestic partnership, which may entitle you to jump on your partner's plan. My partner's employer pays for 100% of his premium and 0% for spouses/partners. I looked up what I would pay if I were to go on his plan: it was over $800 a month.

So now, my money decision is contingent on that Congress vote, or if I should drop to a lower plan but risk paying a shit ton more if I have to use medical services unexpectedly.

If you've read through all that, here's my abbreviated rant on money in quoting services. Would you ask a hair stylist for a discount because you think they're great but can't afford their price? Imagine asking your CPA for a few hundred dollars off their tax prep service, because why not ask? Or, your plumber take five minutes to diagnose and fix a problem, so that entitles you to half the price? Never mind that it took a decade of built-up knowledge for that to happen in five minutes.

When people ask for discounts that aren't offered to them and you acquiesce, you're setting yourself up for more scope creep down the road. There will be more "oh, can you fix this real quick?" and "I have a tiny request and I need it done ASAP." And the infamous ones: "If you do this, I have more future projects," and "Can you give me this to me for free? It's for exposure." What is it about creative services like graphic design and photography that make people think they can bargain the price down? Clearly, that price was set arbitrarily—not based on experience and expenses—so I should ask for a discount.

At the beginning of this year, I set a goal to positively change my financial mindset. One of the promises I made to myself was "Do not cut prices to get more clients. The best clients will find me (or I will find them) and believe in my work. Stay true to your gut." And god, did I have to revisit that promise many times since then. I can go on a lot more on discount requests, but this essay has turned out waaaaay longer than I expected.