Warning letter: Your job performance

I wrote this on Monday when I was much more waylaid by my cold than I expected. These last two days, I decided not to set an alarm and let my body wake itself up. My brain is a lot more functional now, but that does not mean it’s off the hook!

Dear Brain,

Over the last several years, it has come to my attention that you are not fully meeting the expectations of your job description. We have met numerous times in order to figure out an agreeable solution and work on recurring issues related to job performance. This letter is a formal warning and will be filed with the appropriate HR personnel (TBD).