Anxiety as a friend

It can help me or hinder me.

Jenn Chen

22 Jan 2025 — 8 min read

A shot I took while waiting for the tolls.

Anxiety as a friend

There are many ways in which anxiety has hindered me.

When it was bad, it would not let me sleep. I would be exhausted and yet, it would be off planning my day, writing emails, forecasting conversations, writing out Plans D, E, and F, basically continuing a party long after everyone has left. It would make me not go to an event or question if that one conversation with a friend meant they actually secretly hated me. My anxiety made me extremely aware of everyone’s emotions and body language in a room, as well as kept me hyperaware of my body language.

My anxiety made me over-research every purchase decision, from the smallest things like filing folders to bigger things like a TV stand. It questioned every decision I made—was it the right one for this person, this business? Did I think about this other scenario? What about that one?—of course, how I truly felt about the decision didn’t matter much.

Sometimes, it would be sneaky. I wouldn’t know I was anxious about something until I was feeling my heart race and holding my breath too many times.

However, I want to acknowledge the things that anxiety has done for me. I believe that, when managed well (through whatever works for you), it can be a superpower. In conversations and interviews, reading body language is incredibly helpful. Some topics can be emotional, and if people aren’t given the room to breathe, they won’t feel comfortable enough to share. It’s also gone quite well in dog training—reading the subtle signs that happen before big behavior moments has helped me manage Zoey’s reactivity from severe to now being able to pass dogs on the sidewalk with minimal issues.

Anxiety prepares me for events that I plan, making sure they’re organized and people feel comfortable. It helped me a lot when thinking through a digital marketing strategy with a cross-cultural audience. How would X receive this announcement vs Y? Was there any room for misinterpretation? Is the English and the grammar understandable for non-native speakers? If I’m having people over, it makes me clean with a frenzy that I cannot replicate. The way I observe people’s emotions during an event is how I can do the candid photography that clients hire me for. It makes me a good copyeditor of others’ work. And I’m the person who notices if a sign is off by a degree or an image isn’t centered.

If all of this sounded exhausting to you, it is, but also it isn’t—which is what makes it a beautiful superpower. My anxiety isn’t severe anymore. It doesn’t mean that it’s gone or doesn’t flare up. It’s a lot like dog training: you can’t train and stop when they learn a command. I have to be on top of it or I’ll backslide.

I wanted to write about anxiety today, because I am anticipating feeling more anxiety in the next four years and it’s possible that you may, too. I remember in 2018, mindlessly scrolling on Twitter and having this baseline anxiety that ratcheted with every news article headline that flew by. I couldn’t look away, and I didn’t prioritize my mental health, let alone find any joy to fill my creative well. I plan on setting time limits for certain apps and making sure I celebrate every win, however small it may be (if you haven’t started a kudos document or wins journal, now is the time to start).

These days, anxiety is a friend who needs to be shushed every so often and reminded of boundaries.

As I wrote to paid subscribers last week, my plan for tanjennts this year is to write one big free article a month, leaving the other free issue the room to write essays on freelancing, mental health, culture, and anything else I want. For the paid sends, I plan on continuing with more personal essays, letters, photo essays, BTS on articles and photos, and candid thoughts around building a business as a solopreneur.

And, in line with replenishing joy and being aware of your energy limits, I unlocked this paid essay about protecting your energy. You'll need to log in (free or paid email subscriber) to read it.