Being heard vs feeling heard

I want to give a little insight into where my head is at right now. Normally, these meandering thoughts would be sent to paid subscribers, but I figured why not share with everyone. This current season's theme of "New Directions" is not that exciting to me anymore. The article topics I had planned don't excite me or motivate me to want to dig in. And I know that when I start to resent or dread certain work, it signals a need to change.

I don't exactly hate the ideas; I just feel boxed in by the theme. Or perhaps I'm feeling boxed in by the idea of seasons. For example, if I want to write about codeswitching, do I need to wait until my season on language? On one hand, having a season helps people know what to expect for a few months and maybe "sells" the newsletter more to potential interviewees. On the other hand, I've been spending a lot of time building my photo business, so I haven't been able to focus much on replenishing or maintaining my well of creative energy. I'm honestly in awe of anyone who works a day job and then moonlights as a freelancer. Where does that motivation come from?

I spent this morning in the inaugural online Gender and Coffee course led by Dr. Erika Koss (there are two upcoming classes). She asked us to think about when we overcame a work obstacle or issue, to the point where it was no longer a problem. This was kind of difficult for me, because I don't like to think in such drastic terms—that I will never encounter the problem again. I like to think that everyone is a work in progress, and I want to continually learn and improve.

I wrote down that my problem was "being heard." But on further reflection, it's also "feeling heard." It is totally possible to be heard by someone but not feel like you were heard. How many times have you brought up an issue at work and had it acknowledged, but nothing happened to resolve it? How many times do you do this until you give up (leading to not feeling heard)?

Anyway, I wouldn't say that I've completely overcome this obstacle. There will always be instances where I don't feel heard.

But the way that I went about "resolving" it, to whatever extent, was a series of actions. The skill that I developed was assertiveness. It's one that is constantly in development, because it goes against my cultural norms and stereotypes, and social anxiety. I used my existing platforms (like Twitter) or created platforms (like this newsletter) to speak on various topics. I've developed thicker skin with time and age (and meds, tbh). The longer I spend in the coffee industry, the more knowledge and connections I gain. I don't feel like I need to prove myself anymore and if someone gives me that attitude, I am fine walking away from them.

I was also given platforms, like speaking on panels, doing talks, becoming an editor at large at Sprudge—I would put this all under the umbrella of gaining power. Enough power and assertiveness that I can manage situations in which I don't feel heard—either by walking away or responding in the moment. Also, it helped immensely that I became self-employed. People I work with want to work with me, and vice versa. Okay, yes, I sometimes take on projects to pay the bills, but for the most part, my work life is conflict-free.

I was supposed to spend October working on my November articles, but obviously, I didn't plan on being sick. Everything has been pushed back, and I've accepted that it is what it is. Thank you for reading today's meandering thoughts.

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